I know what you all are thinking. How can I write a a serious entry? I’m Cayla, Queen of Puns!
But this is something a lot of people can relate to: the fear of rejection.
You guys, AKA my 4 readers, may be wondering why I’m doing this at such a time.
Don’t worry, all questions will be answered.
What was the point of those last couple of sentences? LOL.
So here goes:
At some point in our lives, we’ve all said, “Ooooooh, you just got REJECTED!” Let’s face it, we all know that song from Zoey 101.
When someone else gets rejected, whether it’s by a crush, a college, a teacher, anyone, it may seem like a funny thing.
But there are other things we have to take into consideration.
How do those people really feel? How would you feel if you got rejected?
Let me speak from experience: it does not make you feel good. It makes you question everything about yourself. It makes you feel like you don’t serve a purpose.
I’m sure you already know this. I’m sure you don’t talk to that special guy or special girl because you’re scared of being rejected.
So, if someone gets rejected, do not think of them as a loser. Being rejected is NOT A BAD THING. It’s a the most necessary and the most evil of all necessary evils.
I could end this entry here. I can click “post” now, get 5 views, and call it a day.
But I won’t, because I want to talk about what happens when you actually get rejected.
I believe that there are 3 stages to rejection: tears, questioning everything, and trying to change yourself so you can be “good enough.”
There is an optional fourth stage: saying, “hey, I can’t please everyone, and that’s cool, so I won’t try to alter myself in order to be what someone wants me to be.”
I wish this stage was not an option. I wish that everyone knew how to be as optimistic as I am fortunate enough to be.
But let me just speak from experience, AKA use this as an opportunity to make you feel bad for me.
There was a guy who I really liked. He was everything I wanted and more. Tall, kind, nerdy in a cool way, and hot.
Long story short, I was put in a situation in which I had to more or less confess my love to this guy, and he told me he didn’t like me back.
Strangely enough, I skipped the first stage and barely shed a tear over this guy.
But questioning everything and trying to change myself, there was a lot of that.
If he even looked in another girl’s direction, I would think he liked her and would try to make myself like her.
One time, when I was out shopping, I bought a skirt not just because I liked it, but because I thought that he’d like it.
Let me just tell you one thing: YOU SHOULD NEVER FEEL THE NEED TO DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. EVER.
I can’t stress this enough: just because some guy or girl doesn’t have good tastes and doesn’t like you does not mean that you should change yourself for him/her.
Well, do it if it makes you happy, of course. But you don’t have to. You got that? K, moving on.
If there’s anything worse than being rejected by a crush, it’s being rejected from a class or school, because it makes you feel dumb.
Here’s the real reason why I’m writing this: today, I found out that I did not get into an AP English class.
This tore me to bits, because I always thought that English was my best subject.
Writing was also my life. Heck, I’M WRITING A NOVEL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. (Shameless self promo). If there was any class I should get into, it’s an AP English class.
But I didn’t, and the stages kicked in all at once, as in I cried as I questioned everything and compared myself to the people who did get in.
In that moment, I seriously thought I was a bad writer. I wondered why I was keeping a blog. I wondered why I was slaving over a novel. They were both terrible, right?
WRONG. The test to get into that class was an analytical essay. I’m a much more creative writer. I simply cannot analyze.
That’s not a bad thing, because analytic essays are BOOOOO-RING.
Let’s be real: who cares if the crushed strawberries represent passion or the burdens of the menstrual cycle or whatever? Why does it matter that the destruction of some skyscraper represents the end of capitalism or some ish like that?
To all 10 honors teachers, I hope you all read that. I hope you all agreed as you graded your Tale of Two Cities tone timed writes or whatever.
ANYWAYS, just because I couldn’t analyze or create a theme did not mean that I was a terrible humor writer.
You see, rejection causes you to loose your grasp of reality. It causes you to intend on doing ridiculous things.
When I found out I didn’t get into the class, I came THIS close to deleting SOCT. I’m not lying.
I also wanted to terminate the files that contained the chapters a of my book.
But then, I didn’t (duh). I did not do either one of those, because I realized that I would be taking things that I enjoyed away from myself. I’d be my own thief, my own hacker–all because of one ridiculously difficult class.
Not getting in did not make me dumb in any way. It took a little to realize that, but I did, and you can, too.
But that does not mean that I’ll be completely over this, at least for now. I will still look at the people who did get in, and wonder what they have that I don’t.
But, I’ll still be Cayla, who maybe can’t say what an owl represents, but can tell an amazing pun. And in the end, that’s all that matters.
So there is a purpose to this, believe it or not.
Don’t laugh at someone who gets rejected, which you probably won’t do, because my 5 readers are smart enough to know that. TBH, I just wanted to use something like that for my intro.
But seriously, do not change yourself because someone else wants you to be something that you’re not.
PS: I am aware that this is not in a letter format. I just wanted to say C-Dizzle.